Week Six
Spag Bol....oh, who cares.
Contrary to popular female belief, sex isn't just for highdays and holidays, no, it's an integral part of a good marriage relationship.
A couple with a three year old daughter always kept Thursday evenings for each other. One week the little girls bedroom was being decorated, so she was on a mattress at the end of her parents bed. Thursday came and they'd had a lovely meal and watched a DVD, naturally when they went to bed the husband started to make his moves "no" the wife protested, "not with Lucy at the end of the bed" "she's asleep, it's fine, please darling" "No I really don't think we should" As the husband got more frustrated he started pleading with her "please, darling, I love you sooo much" with that, a voice from the end of the bed said "Daddy, when Mummy says no, she means NO".
This is slightly amusing, but with a tinge of sadness. Even within the marriage relationship "no" can be ignored or not taken seriously, leaving the sexual relationship in tatters, trust broken and a long healing process must begin.
It seems obvious but the thing to come out of this course each week has been communication. Sex can sometimes be a difficult subject due to many and varied reasons, but if we are to get anywhere near a fulfilling sexual relationship for both husband and wife communication is key. It is amazing to watch the realisation dawn on your partners face as you share with them your thoughts, fears, hurts, highs, lows and you start to 'get' each other.
I am confident that not only will my marriage be restored, but I actually feel our relationship with each other will be better than it was. Sometimes you have to hit the bottom of the pit and crawl your way out together to realise that what is waiting at the top is even better - especially if you are reaching out to take God's hand to pull you up.
One couple were heading up to Scotland after the course, they said they would be doing their 'homework' on the plane. I don't think they had turned ahead to the homework page, because this week it is a practical session......
Showing posts with label marriage course. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage course. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Parents and In-Laws (Or as some people prefer - Outlaws)
Week Five
Quiche (I know), Salad & New Potatoes followed by Apple & Blackberry Crumble - result.
Well for me the main question of the night was, "should Quiche be served hot or cold"?
Must admit, haven't done our marriage-course homework the last couple of weeks, and we're not that unhappy with our relationship towards our parents, so not too bad a session last night.
It probably helps that a lot of work has been done with my counsellor, so I am not really unearthing anything surprising, however, if we had done the course a few years ago we both agree we would have really been opening up Pandora's Box.
So I guess we would have faced our issues sooner or later.
Next week, the one we've all been waiting for.......Good Sex!
Although my counsellor suggested this week I approach it from a different angle.....oh, behave, I didn't mean that.
Let me know your opinions on the Quiche!
Quiche (I know), Salad & New Potatoes followed by Apple & Blackberry Crumble - result.
Well for me the main question of the night was, "should Quiche be served hot or cold"?
Must admit, haven't done our marriage-course homework the last couple of weeks, and we're not that unhappy with our relationship towards our parents, so not too bad a session last night.
It probably helps that a lot of work has been done with my counsellor, so I am not really unearthing anything surprising, however, if we had done the course a few years ago we both agree we would have really been opening up Pandora's Box.
So I guess we would have faced our issues sooner or later.
Next week, the one we've all been waiting for.......Good Sex!
Although my counsellor suggested this week I approach it from a different angle.....oh, behave, I didn't mean that.
Let me know your opinions on the Quiche!
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Resolving Conflict
Week Three
Bangers, Mash, Peas & Gravy followed by Trifle.........did not see that coming.
relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Must admit, I found it hard to keep focused last night, despite having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, I still felt exhausted and my mind was elsewhere. Will share a few gems with you though.
A couple that had been married for 50 years had not let a day go by without having an argument. On their anniversary their children were struggling to think what to buy them, in the end they settled on paying for them to see a marriage psychiatrist.
The couple reluctantly turned up to the first appointment, the psychatrist asked them one question which immediately set them off arguing and they continued to argue for 30 mins.
Then the psychatrist told them, "I'm going to do something now, I've never done before". He got up from his chair and walked around the desk to the couple, stood up in front of the woman and proceeded to kiss her directly on the lips for a very......long........time.
He turned to the husband and said "that's what your wife needs, 3 times a week"
The husband replied "OK Dr, I see, I'll bring her in on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's"
In our marriage we both agree we don't really argue and there aren't really any conflict issues, we generally just get on well. What I am finding difficult with doing this course is I don't really feel we fit the mould.
We're both skirting around the issue that nearly split us up last year, because that has been dealt with in a different way, but when you're told to tell each other what they do that upsets, hurts or frustrates you, I can only seem to come back to the thing we've dealt with, which may mean it hasn't been dealt with.
I want to be strong enough to complete the course, the truth is we both think our marriage is in a completely different place now, dare I say it, a better place. God has been a true restorer, there is a lot of work to do, which my counsellor is helping with, but we are definately moving forwards.
Oh, and I am a Rhino and hubby is a Hedgehog, and if you want to know what that means, you'll have to persuade your Church to run the course!
Bangers, Mash, Peas & Gravy followed by Trifle.........did not see that coming.
relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Must admit, I found it hard to keep focused last night, despite having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, I still felt exhausted and my mind was elsewhere. Will share a few gems with you though.
A couple that had been married for 50 years had not let a day go by without having an argument. On their anniversary their children were struggling to think what to buy them, in the end they settled on paying for them to see a marriage psychiatrist.
The couple reluctantly turned up to the first appointment, the psychatrist asked them one question which immediately set them off arguing and they continued to argue for 30 mins.
Then the psychatrist told them, "I'm going to do something now, I've never done before". He got up from his chair and walked around the desk to the couple, stood up in front of the woman and proceeded to kiss her directly on the lips for a very......long........time.
He turned to the husband and said "that's what your wife needs, 3 times a week"
The husband replied "OK Dr, I see, I'll bring her in on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's"
In our marriage we both agree we don't really argue and there aren't really any conflict issues, we generally just get on well. What I am finding difficult with doing this course is I don't really feel we fit the mould.
We're both skirting around the issue that nearly split us up last year, because that has been dealt with in a different way, but when you're told to tell each other what they do that upsets, hurts or frustrates you, I can only seem to come back to the thing we've dealt with, which may mean it hasn't been dealt with.
I want to be strong enough to complete the course, the truth is we both think our marriage is in a completely different place now, dare I say it, a better place. God has been a true restorer, there is a lot of work to do, which my counsellor is helping with, but we are definately moving forwards.
Oh, and I am a Rhino and hubby is a Hedgehog, and if you want to know what that means, you'll have to persuade your Church to run the course!
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
The Art of Communication
Week Two
Chill Con Carne and Raspberry Cheesecake.
There is a re-occuring mince theme here.....will let you know if it's Shepherd's Pie or Spag Bol next week.
You know what I'm talking about, The Marriage Course relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Now before last night we both felt communication was actually our strong point, we both love to talk, my husband definately more so than me. We have never experienced an awkward silence.
And I love long distance conversations, you know the one's where you shout down to hubby in the garage, while you're in the bathroom? Come on, that's not just me?
It would appear we have been doing it all wrong. Apparently, you are meant to listen the whole time until they have finished speaking. I agree with this in principle because interuption is one of my pet hates, but I have a husband and a daughter who will use a hundred words when twenty will do.
You have to put yourself in their shoes and try to appreciate the way they are telling you they feel.
Once you have listened for what may seem like a paint-dryingly long time, you have to summarise back to acknowledge you have understood what they said.
Then ask what is the most important part of what they said.
Finally, what do they want to come of the conversation you have just had?
Now, I don't want to dis the course. If my husband and I had done this about three years ago, it may have done more harm to our marriage than good, because their were so many hidden depths and problems that we hadn't begun to even realise. Having said that, maybe if we had done the course years ago, we may not have had to have gone through the most difficult times over the last couple of years, who can say.
I think we are fortunate in that we are naturally moving towards a better place anyway. Of course I accept fully the importance of communication, and if this is an area where you feel you or your partner really struggle, then the above points aren't a bad starting place.
For me though, I think my way works. Oh, just remembered as I type this from the dining room, there was something I wanted to talk to hubby about, now where is he? Oh yes, garage..............
If you're still at this blogpost, I am feeling really encouraged and valued that you have read this far. Please acknowledge you have understood what I said and leave me a comment.
Chill Con Carne and Raspberry Cheesecake.
There is a re-occuring mince theme here.....will let you know if it's Shepherd's Pie or Spag Bol next week.
You know what I'm talking about, The Marriage Course relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Now before last night we both felt communication was actually our strong point, we both love to talk, my husband definately more so than me. We have never experienced an awkward silence.
And I love long distance conversations, you know the one's where you shout down to hubby in the garage, while you're in the bathroom? Come on, that's not just me?
It would appear we have been doing it all wrong. Apparently, you are meant to listen the whole time until they have finished speaking. I agree with this in principle because interuption is one of my pet hates, but I have a husband and a daughter who will use a hundred words when twenty will do.
You have to put yourself in their shoes and try to appreciate the way they are telling you they feel.
Once you have listened for what may seem like a paint-dryingly long time, you have to summarise back to acknowledge you have understood what they said.
Then ask what is the most important part of what they said.
Finally, what do they want to come of the conversation you have just had?
Now, I don't want to dis the course. If my husband and I had done this about three years ago, it may have done more harm to our marriage than good, because their were so many hidden depths and problems that we hadn't begun to even realise. Having said that, maybe if we had done the course years ago, we may not have had to have gone through the most difficult times over the last couple of years, who can say.
I think we are fortunate in that we are naturally moving towards a better place anyway. Of course I accept fully the importance of communication, and if this is an area where you feel you or your partner really struggle, then the above points aren't a bad starting place.
For me though, I think my way works. Oh, just remembered as I type this from the dining room, there was something I wanted to talk to hubby about, now where is he? Oh yes, garage..............
If you're still at this blogpost, I am feeling really encouraged and valued that you have read this far. Please acknowledge you have understood what I said and leave me a comment.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Building Strong Foundations
Week One
Lasagne and salad, followed by Apple pie and Cream.
No, I haven't taken part in Come Dine With Me, although I absolutely would love to do that, but I'm not a great cook, and my home is usually very unpresentable, so the bit where they rummage through your drawers could be my downfall!
This was the meal that started off our evening at The Marriage Course. Which I have to say was a valuable experience, of course, it is only week one. 'Good Sex' comes in week 6 - we're all looking forward to that!
You basically watch a DVD, and are given your own individual private manuals. After the first clip you have 40 mins by yourselves to answer a list of statments in the manual about yourself and your partner, when you've finished you compare with each other, which opens up a dialogue about how completely different your answers are, and shows you up as being completely incompatible.........or the other way round and you realise actually you're not so bad together after all!
It wasn't as patronising as I feared it would be, and so far I would recommend it!
We do have to, at some point this week, find a two hour child free slot in order to do the 'homework' excercises from the manual.
It must have inspired something in my husband, because when we walked home he took a detour, which took us past the tree where we had our first kiss.........awwwww!
Lasagne and salad, followed by Apple pie and Cream.
No, I haven't taken part in Come Dine With Me, although I absolutely would love to do that, but I'm not a great cook, and my home is usually very unpresentable, so the bit where they rummage through your drawers could be my downfall!
This was the meal that started off our evening at The Marriage Course. Which I have to say was a valuable experience, of course, it is only week one. 'Good Sex' comes in week 6 - we're all looking forward to that!
You basically watch a DVD, and are given your own individual private manuals. After the first clip you have 40 mins by yourselves to answer a list of statments in the manual about yourself and your partner, when you've finished you compare with each other, which opens up a dialogue about how completely different your answers are, and shows you up as being completely incompatible.........or the other way round and you realise actually you're not so bad together after all!
It wasn't as patronising as I feared it would be, and so far I would recommend it!
We do have to, at some point this week, find a two hour child free slot in order to do the 'homework' excercises from the manual.
It must have inspired something in my husband, because when we walked home he took a detour, which took us past the tree where we had our first kiss.........awwwww!
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
The Marriage Course
Tonight our church starts a seven week marriage course.
relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course
I have no idea what to expect apart from a meal and a DVD........sounds alright so far.
We have been married for 18 years, and this course probably couldn't have come at a better time for us!
I have been reliably informed it is not heavy and you don't have to share with anyone other than your partner. There is homework though............
Anyone ever been on one ran by their Church? How did you find it?
I will let you know!
relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course
I have no idea what to expect apart from a meal and a DVD........sounds alright so far.
We have been married for 18 years, and this course probably couldn't have come at a better time for us!
I have been reliably informed it is not heavy and you don't have to share with anyone other than your partner. There is homework though............
Anyone ever been on one ran by their Church? How did you find it?
I will let you know!
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