Easter, A New Start

Easter is more about 'new' beginnings for me than New Year is. I actually think it's my favourite celebratory season.  It hasn't quite yet hit the commercialism of Christmas (although it's getting there!)

However tenuous the links are between the Easter eggs, bunny's and chick's and the like and Jesus' death and Resurrection, there is more of a link there than tree's inside houses and gaudy tinsel and Jesus' birth!

I love the hope Easter brings of the restoration God can bring about in our lives, whatever is broken and hopeless, He is there and is able to say to us "I will make it new, you can start again with my help".

And just in case there is any doubt about that, I think someone that is able to make a dead person alive again is quite able to equip us to resolve our puny problems!

Luke 1:37 ESV
"For nothing will be impossible with God.”

The Power Of Forgiveness

Week Four

Chicken & Chips followed by Chocolate Gateaux

There were tears last night, not only because the chicken was a little to dry.  We were both a little hesitant about whether or not to go - we've done our forgiving.

I said whatever the excercises were around, we should avoid bringing up what was for us the obvious issue, that is in the past and is/has being/been dealt with.

............And still you find more, I always knew my husband was sensitive, but I had no idea how much the slightest little comments had stuck with him, he used to feel dread at coming home from the supermarket with the wrong ingredient for fear of a row.  Yes, I used to point out that he must've gone to the completely wrong aisle because they definately stock whatever, but no row ensued, because he just would not enter into one, he took my verbal lashing, then got on with the day. 

I knew how stubborn and awkward I was, but he just took it, and sometimes I knew I was trying to just get him to tell me I was horrible and useless and he couldn't stand me, because that's how I felt about myself, why could he not hate me like I hated myself?

I say used to because we both agree now I am a different person, I am calmer, less bothered about little things, appreciative of any help and most importantly I have fully accepted Jesus into my life, He isn't just a person I know about, I know Him, and I follow Him and this has made a vast difference to both our lives.

The key phrase for me last night was "buried anger turns to hate".  I had buried my undealt with anger from my childhood and transfered it into periods of hate towards my husband, mainly because I knew he would take it, even though he never deserved it. 

Then of course when he did do something that deserved my anger, it went off like a bomb because the anger not just towards him, but towards the events from my past came exploding out uncontrollably.

I forgave him for his behaviour at Easter 2010 - over a year ago.  We are both in dramatically different places now, he can tell me if I've p'ed him off, without thinking I'll leave him, and I can accept his kindness without thinking there's an alterior motive.

It has been a long road, and it got far worse before it even started to get better, and I do feel there are many miles ahead, but I don't feel we're at the crossroads anymore, we are both taking the same journey so we'll overcome the breakdowns and emergency stops together.

Everything but the kitchen sink........a funny weekend!

Well where do I start!

Easter Sunday morning one of my daughters and myself sung in our church Easter choir group - nothing unusal in that, other than I have been told since forever that I cannot sing! However, the only requirement to join the group was the ability to make a 'joyful noise'!

Having had a difficult couple of years I am not letting anything I want to do pass me by - I love to sing even if it is badly! However, the choir leader and one of my friends who is an excellent singer both said there was "nothing wrong with my voice and that I was doing really well!" (I don't think they were trying to spare my feelings!)

What I have learnt, not only from talking to my counselor about my childhood, but also from my recent personal experiences, no matter how brief or unintentional a negative comment is, it stays with you. Hence the belief that I could not and even should not be allowed to sing in a choir. Well I thoroughly enjoyed the experience Sunday morning, and I just know we really gave God the glory with our performance! Whatever anybody has ever told you you can't do, who cares! If it's important to you give it a go and regain your confidence!

Next stop my parents, to deposit our kids so that Hubby and I could have a little time together (it was his birthday, and I booked us into a B&B by the seaside) much to my friends nudging and winking this was not one of those trips! We are not in a physical relationship at the moment, so it was quality hours we were after, not the opportunity for a bit of bedroom gymnastics! The B&B we stayed in - well, if we do grow old together and end up in an old folks home, I think we had a fair taste of it, it was kind of like being put up in your Granny's spare room (just as well I wasn't trying to set the scene!) They had the heating switched on! I think it was hot everywhere in England over the weekend, I wasn't aware of us entering into an antarctic bubble.

We did have a lovely takeaway cream tea on the top of a nice hill, and a robin came and perched closely on the bench next to us. Whenever we try to get time alone, there's always an interuption!

I don't know if everyone's parents are like mine, whenever you visit or happen to mention something that would be useful to you, they are able to make the said items materialise from among their belongs and bestow it upon you by way of a gift. This is great, but when you've already filled your car with two adults, four children and weekend luggage for six, it doesn't leave a lot of room for a lemon cake, two milk churns and an ironing board! (don't ask - unless you really feel you have too!)

What had us in hysterics though, was the realisation that as we travelled home on Bank Holiday Monday and looked across into the windows of the other cars, spotting the other weekend getawayers, they would look into our car and see our weekend stuff and then wedged full length through the middle of the car, an ironing board! The lemon cake made it into the glove box, and we elected to leave the milk churns for another trip!

One of the sights that inspired us on our journey there and back on the M5, was the sight of the Easter crosses erected on Brent Knoll hill, this year we really have had a true Easter celebration and experience and it made us note the great difference in celebration from that of Christmas, where the main public emphasis is on huge inflateable snowmen and Sana's, to the reality of Christian faith, the meaning behind the cross. In our town our Churches together group did a Good Friday walk with the cross, and the crosses on the hill was done by a Churches together group. It is time to be public about what we believe and it's importance, and to proudly show to all that Jesus came for everybody, if they would only accept his love.