Week Six
Spag Bol....oh, who cares.
Contrary to popular female belief, sex isn't just for highdays and holidays, no, it's an integral part of a good marriage relationship.
A couple with a three year old daughter always kept Thursday evenings for each other. One week the little girls bedroom was being decorated, so she was on a mattress at the end of her parents bed. Thursday came and they'd had a lovely meal and watched a DVD, naturally when they went to bed the husband started to make his moves "no" the wife protested, "not with Lucy at the end of the bed" "she's asleep, it's fine, please darling" "No I really don't think we should" As the husband got more frustrated he started pleading with her "please, darling, I love you sooo much" with that, a voice from the end of the bed said "Daddy, when Mummy says no, she means NO".
This is slightly amusing, but with a tinge of sadness. Even within the marriage relationship "no" can be ignored or not taken seriously, leaving the sexual relationship in tatters, trust broken and a long healing process must begin.
It seems obvious but the thing to come out of this course each week has been communication. Sex can sometimes be a difficult subject due to many and varied reasons, but if we are to get anywhere near a fulfilling sexual relationship for both husband and wife communication is key. It is amazing to watch the realisation dawn on your partners face as you share with them your thoughts, fears, hurts, highs, lows and you start to 'get' each other.
I am confident that not only will my marriage be restored, but I actually feel our relationship with each other will be better than it was. Sometimes you have to hit the bottom of the pit and crawl your way out together to realise that what is waiting at the top is even better - especially if you are reaching out to take God's hand to pull you up.
One couple were heading up to Scotland after the course, they said they would be doing their 'homework' on the plane. I don't think they had turned ahead to the homework page, because this week it is a practical session......
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Friday, 20 May 2011
Weekly Song Round Up
Music is a huge part of my life, there is always an ipod or a radio playing somewhere, and I have been known to attempt to play the guitar - I need a lot of practice with that.
Anyway, I thought it might be a fun idea to round up the end of each week with a song selection, because I will usually start singing any random song to accompany my daily activities or emotions.
Hope the links work!
A favourite worship song we sing at our Church This Is Our God The thing I love about the Church we attend now is the worship is incredible, it is clearly directed towards God with happy and hungry hearts. Unlike the Church I grew up in which used to sing 'Happy Day' without so much as cracking a smile.
Friends Will Be Friends I posted about friendship earlier in the week and they were really there for me yesterday, they gave me the space I needed, but kept checking in with me to make sure I was alright.
Hmm, marriage course communication She Said, She Said I'm thinking sometimes I think I prefer When You Say Nothing At All
Gotta love a bit of mid-week zumba Evacuate The Dance Floor I hasten to add this is not a clip from the group I attend........Our routine is much better!
Trust And Obey worship songs aren't just for Sunday you know! My sister posted this on her facebook, with the reminder we sang the original hymn version at her baptism. I am getting baptised in July, so need to start thinking of a couple of songs.
A difficult day yesterday, lots of tears Stop Your Sobbing feeling a lot better today!
Now a favourite to lead us into the weekend. I have been listening all week to a podcast on Song Of Songs it has been incredible, and really revealed to me not only, the love that Christ has for us his Church, but also, the love God intended us to show to each other as husband and wife. With that in mind there can only be one song really.....................Feel Like Making Love!
Have a good weekend everybody, and if Harold Camping is right.........hallelujah, I think.
There really only could
Anyway, I thought it might be a fun idea to round up the end of each week with a song selection, because I will usually start singing any random song to accompany my daily activities or emotions.
Hope the links work!
A favourite worship song we sing at our Church This Is Our God The thing I love about the Church we attend now is the worship is incredible, it is clearly directed towards God with happy and hungry hearts. Unlike the Church I grew up in which used to sing 'Happy Day' without so much as cracking a smile.
Friends Will Be Friends I posted about friendship earlier in the week and they were really there for me yesterday, they gave me the space I needed, but kept checking in with me to make sure I was alright.
Hmm, marriage course communication She Said, She Said I'm thinking sometimes I think I prefer When You Say Nothing At All
Gotta love a bit of mid-week zumba Evacuate The Dance Floor I hasten to add this is not a clip from the group I attend........Our routine is much better!
Trust And Obey worship songs aren't just for Sunday you know! My sister posted this on her facebook, with the reminder we sang the original hymn version at her baptism. I am getting baptised in July, so need to start thinking of a couple of songs.
A difficult day yesterday, lots of tears Stop Your Sobbing feeling a lot better today!
Now a favourite to lead us into the weekend. I have been listening all week to a podcast on Song Of Songs it has been incredible, and really revealed to me not only, the love that Christ has for us his Church, but also, the love God intended us to show to each other as husband and wife. With that in mind there can only be one song really.....................Feel Like Making Love!
Have a good weekend everybody, and if Harold Camping is right.........hallelujah, I think.
There really only could
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
The Art of Communication
Week Two
Chill Con Carne and Raspberry Cheesecake.
There is a re-occuring mince theme here.....will let you know if it's Shepherd's Pie or Spag Bol next week.
You know what I'm talking about, The Marriage Course relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Now before last night we both felt communication was actually our strong point, we both love to talk, my husband definately more so than me. We have never experienced an awkward silence.
And I love long distance conversations, you know the one's where you shout down to hubby in the garage, while you're in the bathroom? Come on, that's not just me?
It would appear we have been doing it all wrong. Apparently, you are meant to listen the whole time until they have finished speaking. I agree with this in principle because interuption is one of my pet hates, but I have a husband and a daughter who will use a hundred words when twenty will do.
You have to put yourself in their shoes and try to appreciate the way they are telling you they feel.
Once you have listened for what may seem like a paint-dryingly long time, you have to summarise back to acknowledge you have understood what they said.
Then ask what is the most important part of what they said.
Finally, what do they want to come of the conversation you have just had?
Now, I don't want to dis the course. If my husband and I had done this about three years ago, it may have done more harm to our marriage than good, because their were so many hidden depths and problems that we hadn't begun to even realise. Having said that, maybe if we had done the course years ago, we may not have had to have gone through the most difficult times over the last couple of years, who can say.
I think we are fortunate in that we are naturally moving towards a better place anyway. Of course I accept fully the importance of communication, and if this is an area where you feel you or your partner really struggle, then the above points aren't a bad starting place.
For me though, I think my way works. Oh, just remembered as I type this from the dining room, there was something I wanted to talk to hubby about, now where is he? Oh yes, garage..............
If you're still at this blogpost, I am feeling really encouraged and valued that you have read this far. Please acknowledge you have understood what I said and leave me a comment.
Chill Con Carne and Raspberry Cheesecake.
There is a re-occuring mince theme here.....will let you know if it's Shepherd's Pie or Spag Bol next week.
You know what I'm talking about, The Marriage Course relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.
Now before last night we both felt communication was actually our strong point, we both love to talk, my husband definately more so than me. We have never experienced an awkward silence.
And I love long distance conversations, you know the one's where you shout down to hubby in the garage, while you're in the bathroom? Come on, that's not just me?
It would appear we have been doing it all wrong. Apparently, you are meant to listen the whole time until they have finished speaking. I agree with this in principle because interuption is one of my pet hates, but I have a husband and a daughter who will use a hundred words when twenty will do.
You have to put yourself in their shoes and try to appreciate the way they are telling you they feel.
Once you have listened for what may seem like a paint-dryingly long time, you have to summarise back to acknowledge you have understood what they said.
Then ask what is the most important part of what they said.
Finally, what do they want to come of the conversation you have just had?
Now, I don't want to dis the course. If my husband and I had done this about three years ago, it may have done more harm to our marriage than good, because their were so many hidden depths and problems that we hadn't begun to even realise. Having said that, maybe if we had done the course years ago, we may not have had to have gone through the most difficult times over the last couple of years, who can say.
I think we are fortunate in that we are naturally moving towards a better place anyway. Of course I accept fully the importance of communication, and if this is an area where you feel you or your partner really struggle, then the above points aren't a bad starting place.
For me though, I think my way works. Oh, just remembered as I type this from the dining room, there was something I wanted to talk to hubby about, now where is he? Oh yes, garage..............
If you're still at this blogpost, I am feeling really encouraged and valued that you have read this far. Please acknowledge you have understood what I said and leave me a comment.
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