Resolving Conflict

Week Three

Bangers, Mash, Peas & Gravy followed by Trifle.........did not see that coming.

relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.

Must admit, I found it hard to keep focused last night, despite having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, I still felt exhausted and my mind was elsewhere.  Will share a few gems with you though.

A couple that had been married for 50 years had not let a day go by without having an argument.  On their anniversary their children were struggling to think what to buy them, in the end they settled on paying for them to see a marriage psychiatrist. 

The couple reluctantly turned up to the first appointment, the psychatrist asked them one question which immediately set them off arguing and they continued to argue for 30 mins.

Then the psychatrist told them, "I'm going to do something now, I've never done before".  He got up from his chair and walked around the desk to the couple, stood up in front of the woman and proceeded to kiss her directly on the lips for a very......long........time.

He turned to the husband and said "that's what your wife needs, 3 times a week"

The husband replied "OK Dr, I see, I'll bring her in on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's"

In our marriage we both agree we don't really argue and there aren't really any conflict issues, we generally just get on well.  What I am finding difficult with doing this course is I don't really feel we fit the mould. 

We're both skirting around the issue that nearly split us up last year, because that has been dealt with in a different way, but when you're told to tell each other what they do that upsets, hurts or frustrates you, I can only seem to come back to the thing we've dealt with, which may mean it hasn't been dealt with. 

I want to be strong enough to complete the course, the truth is we both think our marriage is in a completely different place now, dare I say it, a better place.  God has been a true restorer, there is a lot of work to do, which my counsellor is helping with, but we are definately moving forwards.

Oh, and I am a Rhino and hubby is a Hedgehog, and if you want to know what that means, you'll have to persuade your Church to run the course!

The Art of Communication

Week Two

Chill Con Carne and Raspberry Cheesecake.

There is a re-occuring mince theme here.....will let you know if it's Shepherd's Pie or Spag Bol next week.

You know what I'm talking about, The Marriage Course relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course.

Now before last night we both felt communication was actually our strong point, we both love to talk, my husband definately more so than me.  We have never experienced an awkward silence.

And I love long distance conversations, you know the one's where you shout down to hubby in the garage, while you're in the bathroom?  Come on, that's not just me?

It would appear we have been doing it all wrong.  Apparently, you are meant to listen the whole time until they have finished speaking.  I agree with this in principle because interuption is one of my pet hates, but I have a husband and a daughter who will use a hundred words when twenty will do.

You have to put yourself in their shoes and try to appreciate the way they are telling you they feel.

Once you have listened for what may seem like a paint-dryingly long time, you have to summarise back to acknowledge you have understood what they said.

Then ask what is the most important part of what they said.

Finally, what do they want to come of the conversation you have just had?

Now, I don't want to dis the course.  If my husband and I had done this about three years ago, it may have done more harm to our marriage than good, because their were so many hidden depths and problems that we hadn't begun to even realise.  Having said that, maybe if we had done the course years ago, we may not have had to have gone through the most difficult times over the last couple of years, who can say.

I think we are fortunate in that we are naturally moving towards a better place anyway.  Of course I accept fully the importance of communication, and if this is an area where you feel you or your partner really struggle, then the above points aren't a bad starting place.

For me though, I think my way works.  Oh, just remembered as I type this from the dining room, there was something I wanted to talk to hubby about, now where is he?  Oh yes, garage..............

If you're still at this blogpost, I am feeling really encouraged and valued that you have read this far.  Please acknowledge you have understood what I said and leave me a comment.